{"id":11351,"date":"2022-08-13T19:23:59","date_gmt":"2022-08-14T00:23:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/?p=11351"},"modified":"2023-08-13T15:11:56","modified_gmt":"2023-08-13T20:11:56","slug":"funny-retirement-gifts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/funny-retirement-gifts\/","title":{"rendered":"25 Really Funny Retirement Gifts for the Consummate Professional"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ah, retirement. Retirement is something we all desperately want to achieve one day, but it is a goal that might be out of reach for many of us. Still, those that get to enjoy the fruits of their seemingly endless labor deserve a goodbye present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, retirement means that it is time to bring out your best Old Fart whoopee cushions for the person about to clock out for the last time. We have found the 25 best funny retirement gifts for the office\u2019s newest member of the \u201cdon\u2019t call me anymore\u201d club.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These gifts will be a hit at the office retirement party and provide a decent conversation starter instead of awkward small talk with the IT guys<\/a> or girls.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, Look It Looks Like I Don\u2019t Give a Damn O\u2019Clock Koozie<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Funny<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Retirement sometimes allows the retiree to crack open a nice cold beverage. This two-pack of koozies lets everyone know that the person holding the drink is out of care when it comes to the office. This gift is best for that retirement barbecue you will be holding out on the office dock. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somehow, despite your retirement, you are still being tasked with making burgers for the office. At least your beverage is cold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Quitter: I Mean, Happy Retirement Insulated Cup<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Quitter<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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For the person about to speed away from the company parking lot, a cool beverage is sure to quench their thirst as they laugh all the way home. This insulated mug will tell your favorite retiree to enjoy the sweet life and let them know how you feel about their final day at the office. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Imagine drinking that delicious cup of warm coffee from this mug on the first day of retirement. There is nothing like the satisfaction of knowing you never have to go to an office again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Officially Retired from the Crap Coloring Book<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Retirement<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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If anything, retirement is a realignment of time for the retiree. It opens up new chances to try different things \u2013 including coloring like a 6-year-old. This retirement coloring book allows your favorite retiree to become a child again. We wonder if the retiree will still complain about coloring outside the lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

How Retirees Swear Coloring Book<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"How<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Another coloring book? Who can go wrong with this coloring book showing off all the colorful language used by the people who stopped caring about what others thought of them long ago? You could even pair this with the previous coloring book and a set of quality coloring pencils or markers for the ultimate in curing craft day boredom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All you have to do is make sure some of this beautiful artwork ends up on the refrigerator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

This Legend Has Retired Baseball Hat<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Funny<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Apparel is the way to go when it comes to affordable gifts. This universal baseball cap with the phrase \u201cThis Legend Has Retired\u201d written on it is the best way to announce to the world that you have slid your key card into the door slot for the last time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This T-shirt is better than any crown \u2013 it is a statement that your best days are behind you at some stuffy office where you still think you are a legend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Official Retirement Papers Toilet Paper<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Retirement<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Another selection in a long line of super inappropriate gag gifts, this roll of toilet paper shows what some people think about working for a living. That, and it is 3-ply<\/a>, so at least you are giving the gift of comfort when it comes to going to the restroom. This gift has some utility outside of hiding in a closet for the next several years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m Retired, You\u2019re Not T-Shirt<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Retirement<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Apparel for your favorite retiree is the best way to show you care, especially this T-shirt. The shirt reads, \u201cI\u2019m Retired, You\u2019re Not. Have Fun At Work Tomorrow.\u201d What a way to make a statement to those still toiling away until the 5 p.m. whistle blows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Joe in marketing is sure to enjoy this one. He\u2019ll use the idea for some social media posts about retiring product lines in a few weeks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Goodbye Tension, Hello Pension Candle<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Retirement<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Aromatherapy<\/a> is a fantastic way to give a gift to someone heading to retirement. This candle with lime, coconut, and floral notes takes you away to some tropical paradise where the drink flows freely, and there is no care in the world. Talk about heaven. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Heaven is also the thought that anyone\u2019s pension these days is healthy enough to support retirement. Financial woes aside, light this candle and watch as your cares melt away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Do Not Disturb, I\u2019m Retired Lounge Socks<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"'Do<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Do you remember when you got socks for Christmas from that one aunt you saw once a year? How about channeling Aunt Karen when buying these socks for your favorite retiree? Nothing says, \u201cI love you,\u201d like the gift of cold cotton. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If retirement is all about comfort, relaxation, and removing yourself from all the cares in the world, this pair of socks is sure to be a hit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

My Last F*ck, Oh Look, It\u2019s On Fire Candle<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Lavender<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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There should be a cottage industry around candles for retirees. This candle should give everyone in the office a rousing giggle. After all, there is always that one person in the office who is all out of care. This gift is the perfect candle for them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This candle will be more lit than Bill from accounting during the retirement party.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

The Ultimate Retirement Bucket List Book<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"The<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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This book from author Sarah Billington gives retirees a list of things they should accomplish and enjoy since they have nothing but time. 
From visits to America\u2019s great national parks<\/a> to taking a trip abroad, this book will give your favorite retiree a plan outside of sitting around and day drinking after 40+ years of the 9 to 5 life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Officially Retired Tiara<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"MEANT2TOBE<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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It would be easy to give this tiara to the retiring woman<\/a> who thinks she is Queen of the Break Room, but what is funnier than an older man wearing this on their last day? We believe this tiara would fit just about anyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, double-check that the male retiree has some splotch of hair so the tiara will fit on their head. We cannot guarantee if your preferred retiree is balder than America\u2019s favorite eagle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Retired: Not My Problem Anymore T-Shirt<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Im<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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We realize there are many apparel options for retirement gifts, but what better way to show Don in legal that you care about his retirement than a T-shirt? This 100% cotton option at least comforts Don as he prepares to work his retirement days as a legal consultant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don will continue to work, but at least he can do it from the comfort of his home while wearing this shirt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Sh*t That I Should Probably Do Now That I Am Retired Notebook<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Funny<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Retirement means getting the opportunity to let your partner provide you with endless lists of things to do now that you cannot say you do not have time to do anything. This notebook will provide your special someone in life to fill it with endless honey-do tasks like, \u201cclean the gutters,\u201d \u201cpaint the house,\u201d and \u201cfix the upstairs bathroom.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nothing says retirement is like still having a boss, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s 5 O\u2019Clock Somewhere T-Shirt<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Funny<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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It is time to channel your inner Jimmy Buffet with this T-shirt. Pulling from that famous Buffet-Alan Jackson duet song released in 2003, this shirt shows everyone around you that there will be a frosty beverage in your hand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thanks to time zones, you can now enable yourself to drink at any time!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

A Wise Woman Once Said: \u201cI\u2019m Outta Here\u201d Tote Bag<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Im<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Do you know what will make moving all your stuff out of the office much more manageable? A tote bag! Luckily for the retiree, you can get your retiree this handy tote bag to help them clear out their office space. No need for banker boxes here! And you get a bit of wisdom as you carry 40 years’ worth of memories out the front door. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re outta here!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Retirement Survival Kit<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Retirement<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Even retirement is something meant to survive these days. What better way to send one of your longest-serving employees out the door with a box filled with candy, new business cards, and even a poop emoji pillow? This kit contains everything you need to make your employee smile as they shake hands with everyone on their last day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Funny Retirement Coasters<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Andaz<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Just when you thought it was safe from all the beverage retirement gifts, this set of coasters comes along. It features funny quotes like, \u201cThe trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m retired. Do it yourself,\u201d and \u201cThe question isn\u2019t at what age I want to retire. It\u2019s at what income.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This set of coasters will give any retiree a laugh while ensuring no one gets a ring on the coffee table.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Retirement Forks<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Im<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Yes, some brilliant mind at Etsy has found a way to engrave forks for those getting ready to stick a fork in themselves. It may only be one fork, but the fork is personalized with the year of retirement or the full date. What a statement this is to a retiree: you are nothing but a piece of meat to this company.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

It Doesn\u2019t Matter, I\u2019m Retired Clock<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"It<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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When you are in the 9 to 5 world, nothing better represents it than the clock. The clock is more your boss than your actual boss. The clock tells you when it is time for lunch, time for a break, or time to leave. What better way to represent the endless passage of time other than a clock with all the numbers falling to the bottom? Time is the one thing they do not make enough of these days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Retirement Golf Balls<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"RETIREE<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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When you hit the links, you need everyone to know that your work-life balance is now leaning heavily on the life part. These novelty golf balls provide more trash talk opportunities to your buddies who cannot make par<\/a> to save their lives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wait, so you\u2019re bad at golf AND old, now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Adventure Before Dementia Metal Sign<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Adventure<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Here is your sign: a big hunk of metal that says, \u201cI am trying to live life to the fullest before I forget how to tie my shoes in the morning.\u201d Great for RVs or camping, this sign says you are ready to go out into the wild blue yonder before it is too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Quitter, Oops I Mean Happy Retirement Whiskey Glass<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Old<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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No one can say no to a nice glass of whiskey<\/a> after a long day at the office. Lucky for your retiree, all they need is a glass like this to imbibe. Happy retirement!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Custom Fake Newspaper Front Page<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Retirement<\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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You have always enjoyed watching your retired friends be the center of attention. Why not make it official with this custom fake newspaper front page? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember how long Ron in research and development would go on and on about how people used to read the newspaper instead of looking it up on the Internet?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Retired: I Worked My Whole Life for This T-Shirt <\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"Retired<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Nothing delivers laughter more than a well-placed T-shirt. This one, adorned with the phrase, \u201cRetired: I Worked My Whole Life for This T-Shirt,\u201d is a new spin on the old phrase, \u201cBeen there, done that, got the T-shirt.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This one will bring a few laughs during the office retirement party. Besides, a petty little token like this is better than an awkward handshake from the CEO. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Check Today’s Price<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Conclusion<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

With so many options, there is no way your favorite retiree will walk away from their party feeling like they did not matter. Your retiree should consider themselves fortunate if they receive even a handful of these gifts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But no one is luckier than the person allowed to leave a job on their terms and not because of last year\u2019s layoffs. Whoever in your life is retiring, let them know you care with a gift that will keep them laughing and clutching the remainder of their 401ks. Happy retirement! We hope to join you someday!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ah, retirement. Retirement is something we all desperately want to achieve one day, but it is a goal that might be out of reach for many of us. Still, those that get to enjoy the fruits of their seemingly endless labor deserve a goodbye present. However, retirement means that it is time to bring out … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":11416,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"none","_seopress_titles_title":"25 Really Funny Retirement Gifts (For Consummate Professionals)","_seopress_titles_desc":"We have found the 25 best funny retirement gifts for the office\u2019s newest member of the \u201cdon\u2019t call me anymore\u201d club.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[119,141],"tags":[],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/Really-Funny-Retirement-Gifts-600x400.jpg","featured_image_src_square":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/Really-Funny-Retirement-Gifts-600x600.jpg","author_info":{"display_name":"Cardi Clark","author_link":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/author\/cardigigglesnhugs-com\/"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11351"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/18"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11351"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11351\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15393,"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11351\/revisions\/15393"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11416"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11351"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11351"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gigglesnhugs.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11351"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}